My first love

My first love...  I remember it like it was yesterday.  I was 17 years old and about as mature as a 2 year old.  This boy who had had a crush on me for about 5 years had turned his attention to another girl.  She was younger and spunkier than I was, and I wasn't having any of it.  So me, being the 2 year old that I was, decided I should date him to prove that I was much better than any spunky, cheerleading 16 year old.  I started dating this boy to prove a point, that I was better than someone else, and what do ya know?  I fell in love.  Well, I fell in what 2 year olds would call love.

It was midway through my junior year and I'd never fallen in "love" before.  The first few weeks I insisted that he walked at least 5 feet behind me, carry my books, and tell absolutely no one that we were dating.  He wasn't popular, he wasn't cute, he wasn't even funny.  Why would I want anyone knowing of our unfortunate coupling?  The weeks drew on and I kind of started to fall for his immature charm, and also I realized if I wanted him to get over that 16 year old and start crushing on me again I was going to have to work a little harder at pretending to like him.  Mostly the latter of the two got me going. 

We started holding hands and making out in the dark corners of the hallways (what all the couples did in high school).  It was kinda cute, kinda exciting.  I'd never had a real boyfriend before.  He still had a thing for that 16 year old though.  What the hell was I supposed to do?  Nada.  There wasn't much I could do.  He was a boy obsessed. 

He cheated on me about 3 months into the relationship.  Not with the 16 year old, she wouldn't give him the time of day.  He wasn't popular, he wasn't cute, and he wasn't even funny.  Why would she?  He cheated on me with a girl who had a boyfriend.  She didn't want him, he tried to force himself on her.  Bam.  And that's how I came to be dating a semi-rapist.  But I still couldn't break up with him, cause I was obsessed.  I had to get him to like JUST me.  It was like a sick, twisted little game that I couldn't quit playing.  Who was worse, the semi-rapist or the girl that needed his love?

Senior year began and we had all sorts of troubles.  We'd spent the summer apart because my friends had convinced me to break up with him and date some other creep, which lasted about a second.  I was still obsessed.  He dated other girls for a while.  The 16, almost 17, year old was one of them.  He'd had a taste, now it was no turning back for him.  But somehow, I still convinced him to break up with her and date me again.  So we began dating again.

A month went by and I lost my virginity to him.  It wasn't romantic.  It wasn't anything like I thought it should have been.  I went home that night and cried knowing I messed up horribly.  I lost my virginity to someone who wasn't popular, wasn't cute, and wasn't even funny, but more importantly to someone I didn't trust.  But I still thought I loved him, and that's what kept me going.

A week later I found out he'd been cheating on me the entire time we'd been dating with his best friends younger sister.  What's worse, she was pressing rape charges against him.  Bam. It had become official, I was dating a full-blown rapist.  But I was still obsessed.  I was in complete denial.  I had to keep him out of jail, he couldn't possibly have really done it.  Right?  All his friends vouched for him, as did I.  He was in the clear.  We kept dating.

I continued dating this scum who'd cheated on me numerous times with who knows how many girls, because I was obsessed.  I had to get him to love ONLY me.  Was it really love or was it obsession.  I never really could discern between the two.  The end of the year was fast approaching and we were having troubles.  It ended on the date of my graduation.  A year and a half relationship down the drain.  But I was still obsessed.

I started drinking and rebounding like crazy.  Trying to find love in the face of a stranger.  Never feeling quite good enough.  I was mad, absolutely mad.  And I tried so hard to make it work again, but it wouldn't.  I shouldn't have.  He was a crazy person.  Still obsessed with that 16 year old, now 17.  Still creepy, girls still filing claims against him.  An all around horrible person.  But I was still obsessed.

It took me nearly 3 years to get over it.  3 years and many miserable, failed realationships.  What is it about first loves that keeps us coming back?  What kind of crazy voodoo magic is it that turns a perfectly sane girl into a depraved, raving mad obsessor?  I don't think I'll ever know.  But I do know one thing, I'm so so glad I'll never have to go through that again.

Cheater, Cheater, Cheater!

It baffles me how stupid cheaters are.  I'm relatively sure that only the stupidest people on the planet cheat.  Take for instance Tiger Woods, Mel Gibson, and Leann Rimes.  What a bunch of idiots.  Tiger Woods was married to a supermodel and cheated on her with a bunch of porn stars.  That alone speaks wonders about his IQ.  Mel Gibson was supposed to be a Jesus freak.  Jesus wouldn't approve of his cheating ways, that's for damn sure.  And Leann Rimes... Well she was just an idiot in the first place.  Shame on her ex for being with her.  tsk tsk.

But what really baffles is how most cheaters think they won't get caught.  And on top of that, when they do get caught they think they can weasel their way out of it with a few moronic lies.  "I didn't do it, I swear!"  When the girl you slept with ADMITS to it, and all of the people who SAW you take her home text me the next day, who am I supposed to believe???  The twenty people that know you cheated, or your dumb, lying ass? 

I really love the comeback, "How could you believe them over me?"  The best reply for this would be, "Because I'm not a delusional moron."  You may have meant more to me than they did yesterday, but that was before I was informed that you were a dirty cheating bastard.  Now you're about as valueable to me as the flavorless gum I spit out ten minutes ago.

Then there's the stalker.  "Please take me back! I didn't do it!  I'll change!  I'll do anything!"  They show up at your once shared apartment just to sit outside your door, crying.  They find out what bars you're going to so they can show up to make sure you're not getting hit on.  They cause a scene and threaten the people who show any interest.  Sometimes they get domestic disturbance charges pressed against them for showing up at 3 in the morning, yelling at the top of their lungs and throwing you against a wall as if that would knock some sense into you.  Domestic violence is never okay.  The stalkers are the ones you need to watch out for.  If they start creeping around, get a restraining order ASAP.  They may very well drink themselves into the belief that if they can't have you, then nobody should.

 Cheaters are usually mind-numbingly dumb people with horrible intrapersonal skills.  Stay away from the dummies and you should, hopefully, not have a problem with cheaters.

Cheers!

Cyberloving

Finding love online... Is it possible?  Is it probable?  But more importantly, is it totally creepy?

Roughly 15% of Americans have used the internet as a means to finding a hot date.  Unfortunately 48% believe that searching the internet for love is a total waste of time, not to mention a little desperate.

What's so taboo about internet dating?  Why does nearly half the nation seem to believe that matchmaking sites are only for the desperate and undateable?  How is it any different from going out and picking up some stranger from your local bar?

It's not.  The only real difference is you're doing it from the safety of your own home.  Maybe you've given up on the bar scene (alcoholism is never really that attractive).  Maybe you don't want to have to go out to the coffee shops and movie theaters and yoga classes to have to find a sensitive guy.  Maybe you just want to stay home and veg out while surfing Match.come for Mr. Wonderful.  And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

I remember when the love of my life sent me an e-mail on Myspace.com.  Small talk is a lot easier online, no awkward silences.  We'd never formally met, but he'd always notice when I came into his workplace.  He never quite had the nads to work up the nerve to speak to me in person, not to mention I was dating a skeezbag at the time.  But he found me online and we've been ga-ga over each other since.

I know a few people who found true love on facebook, myspace, or other online dating/networking sites. 

Finding love online isn't really any more creepy or weird than finding love in person.  It's just as dangerous, fun, and exciting.  So if you had any doubts, throw them to the wind and start connecting with people online.

Cheers!