My first love

My first love...  I remember it like it was yesterday.  I was 17 years old and about as mature as a 2 year old.  This boy who had had a crush on me for about 5 years had turned his attention to another girl.  She was younger and spunkier than I was, and I wasn't having any of it.  So me, being the 2 year old that I was, decided I should date him to prove that I was much better than any spunky, cheerleading 16 year old.  I started dating this boy to prove a point, that I was better than someone else, and what do ya know?  I fell in love.  Well, I fell in what 2 year olds would call love.

It was midway through my junior year and I'd never fallen in "love" before.  The first few weeks I insisted that he walked at least 5 feet behind me, carry my books, and tell absolutely no one that we were dating.  He wasn't popular, he wasn't cute, he wasn't even funny.  Why would I want anyone knowing of our unfortunate coupling?  The weeks drew on and I kind of started to fall for his immature charm, and also I realized if I wanted him to get over that 16 year old and start crushing on me again I was going to have to work a little harder at pretending to like him.  Mostly the latter of the two got me going. 

We started holding hands and making out in the dark corners of the hallways (what all the couples did in high school).  It was kinda cute, kinda exciting.  I'd never had a real boyfriend before.  He still had a thing for that 16 year old though.  What the hell was I supposed to do?  Nada.  There wasn't much I could do.  He was a boy obsessed. 

He cheated on me about 3 months into the relationship.  Not with the 16 year old, she wouldn't give him the time of day.  He wasn't popular, he wasn't cute, and he wasn't even funny.  Why would she?  He cheated on me with a girl who had a boyfriend.  She didn't want him, he tried to force himself on her.  Bam.  And that's how I came to be dating a semi-rapist.  But I still couldn't break up with him, cause I was obsessed.  I had to get him to like JUST me.  It was like a sick, twisted little game that I couldn't quit playing.  Who was worse, the semi-rapist or the girl that needed his love?

Senior year began and we had all sorts of troubles.  We'd spent the summer apart because my friends had convinced me to break up with him and date some other creep, which lasted about a second.  I was still obsessed.  He dated other girls for a while.  The 16, almost 17, year old was one of them.  He'd had a taste, now it was no turning back for him.  But somehow, I still convinced him to break up with her and date me again.  So we began dating again.

A month went by and I lost my virginity to him.  It wasn't romantic.  It wasn't anything like I thought it should have been.  I went home that night and cried knowing I messed up horribly.  I lost my virginity to someone who wasn't popular, wasn't cute, and wasn't even funny, but more importantly to someone I didn't trust.  But I still thought I loved him, and that's what kept me going.

A week later I found out he'd been cheating on me the entire time we'd been dating with his best friends younger sister.  What's worse, she was pressing rape charges against him.  Bam. It had become official, I was dating a full-blown rapist.  But I was still obsessed.  I was in complete denial.  I had to keep him out of jail, he couldn't possibly have really done it.  Right?  All his friends vouched for him, as did I.  He was in the clear.  We kept dating.

I continued dating this scum who'd cheated on me numerous times with who knows how many girls, because I was obsessed.  I had to get him to love ONLY me.  Was it really love or was it obsession.  I never really could discern between the two.  The end of the year was fast approaching and we were having troubles.  It ended on the date of my graduation.  A year and a half relationship down the drain.  But I was still obsessed.

I started drinking and rebounding like crazy.  Trying to find love in the face of a stranger.  Never feeling quite good enough.  I was mad, absolutely mad.  And I tried so hard to make it work again, but it wouldn't.  I shouldn't have.  He was a crazy person.  Still obsessed with that 16 year old, now 17.  Still creepy, girls still filing claims against him.  An all around horrible person.  But I was still obsessed.

It took me nearly 3 years to get over it.  3 years and many miserable, failed realationships.  What is it about first loves that keeps us coming back?  What kind of crazy voodoo magic is it that turns a perfectly sane girl into a depraved, raving mad obsessor?  I don't think I'll ever know.  But I do know one thing, I'm so so glad I'll never have to go through that again.

Cheater, Cheater, Cheater!

It baffles me how stupid cheaters are.  I'm relatively sure that only the stupidest people on the planet cheat.  Take for instance Tiger Woods, Mel Gibson, and Leann Rimes.  What a bunch of idiots.  Tiger Woods was married to a supermodel and cheated on her with a bunch of porn stars.  That alone speaks wonders about his IQ.  Mel Gibson was supposed to be a Jesus freak.  Jesus wouldn't approve of his cheating ways, that's for damn sure.  And Leann Rimes... Well she was just an idiot in the first place.  Shame on her ex for being with her.  tsk tsk.

But what really baffles is how most cheaters think they won't get caught.  And on top of that, when they do get caught they think they can weasel their way out of it with a few moronic lies.  "I didn't do it, I swear!"  When the girl you slept with ADMITS to it, and all of the people who SAW you take her home text me the next day, who am I supposed to believe???  The twenty people that know you cheated, or your dumb, lying ass? 

I really love the comeback, "How could you believe them over me?"  The best reply for this would be, "Because I'm not a delusional moron."  You may have meant more to me than they did yesterday, but that was before I was informed that you were a dirty cheating bastard.  Now you're about as valueable to me as the flavorless gum I spit out ten minutes ago.

Then there's the stalker.  "Please take me back! I didn't do it!  I'll change!  I'll do anything!"  They show up at your once shared apartment just to sit outside your door, crying.  They find out what bars you're going to so they can show up to make sure you're not getting hit on.  They cause a scene and threaten the people who show any interest.  Sometimes they get domestic disturbance charges pressed against them for showing up at 3 in the morning, yelling at the top of their lungs and throwing you against a wall as if that would knock some sense into you.  Domestic violence is never okay.  The stalkers are the ones you need to watch out for.  If they start creeping around, get a restraining order ASAP.  They may very well drink themselves into the belief that if they can't have you, then nobody should.

 Cheaters are usually mind-numbingly dumb people with horrible intrapersonal skills.  Stay away from the dummies and you should, hopefully, not have a problem with cheaters.

Cheers!

Cyberloving

Finding love online... Is it possible?  Is it probable?  But more importantly, is it totally creepy?

Roughly 15% of Americans have used the internet as a means to finding a hot date.  Unfortunately 48% believe that searching the internet for love is a total waste of time, not to mention a little desperate.

What's so taboo about internet dating?  Why does nearly half the nation seem to believe that matchmaking sites are only for the desperate and undateable?  How is it any different from going out and picking up some stranger from your local bar?

It's not.  The only real difference is you're doing it from the safety of your own home.  Maybe you've given up on the bar scene (alcoholism is never really that attractive).  Maybe you don't want to have to go out to the coffee shops and movie theaters and yoga classes to have to find a sensitive guy.  Maybe you just want to stay home and veg out while surfing Match.come for Mr. Wonderful.  And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

I remember when the love of my life sent me an e-mail on Myspace.com.  Small talk is a lot easier online, no awkward silences.  We'd never formally met, but he'd always notice when I came into his workplace.  He never quite had the nads to work up the nerve to speak to me in person, not to mention I was dating a skeezbag at the time.  But he found me online and we've been ga-ga over each other since.

I know a few people who found true love on facebook, myspace, or other online dating/networking sites. 

Finding love online isn't really any more creepy or weird than finding love in person.  It's just as dangerous, fun, and exciting.  So if you had any doubts, throw them to the wind and start connecting with people online.

Cheers!

How to Handle a Break up

It's not usually fun and it's not usually pleasant to go through the oh-so-heartbreaking, awe-inspiring break up.  But let's face it, it's going to happen.  So how do we handle it the break up comes our way?

1.  DO NOT REBOUND.  It's not silly.  It's not cute.  It's not okay.  Do not rebound ever.  We have to come to terms with being alone again.  After a years-long relationship, this WILL be hard, but bouncing into one relationship right after you get out of one is not going to make you feel any better.  You're settling and nobody feels better when they settle.  You probably settled in the first place, which is why you're in the situation that you're in.  Wait.   Be alone for awhile.  Learn to like being just you, and not being you and some other person.  Besides, being single is pretty damn fun.  You can go out and party every night now.  Woo hoo!

2.  SURROUND YOURSELF WITH PEOPLE YOU LOVE.  So being alone is probably not the best idea right now.  Some people deal better with things alone, but the majority of us probably need a little support.  It's a major life change, not a bad one but a major one, and support is helpful.  Call up your buddies.  If you don't have any friends, call your mom or your dad or your sister or your cousin-twice-removed.  Who cares, just call somebody.  And if there's nobody wanting to listen, go see a therapist.  No shame in that.  Therapists are paid to listen, it's what they do.

3.  TAKE SOME TIME OFF.  You know all that vacation time you were saving to spend with your lover in Vegas?  Use it.  Go somewhere.  Do something.  Treat yourself.  You deserve it for putting up with your ex's shit for such a long time.  Good for you.  You just saved some other poor, innocent soul from the worst years of their lives.  But now you're back with a vengence, and vacation time is a great time to party.

4.  LIVE IT UP.  You're single again.  Remember who you were before you met your ex?  Well that's who you're gonna be again.  But now you're a little wiser, a little tougher, and probably even a little better in bed.  Right on.  You're stronger than you were before this break up, and now it's time to get out there and act like the righteous dude you've become.  Live it up.  Life's out there waiting for you, it's not gonna sit around and wait for you to live it.

Break ups are only as bad  as you make them out to be.  Take this downer situation and turn it into a learning experience.

Cheers!

Logan

I love the petty fights we have.  We treat them like they're the end of the world. 

I love the look on your face when you're angry.  You look so serious and I want to hug it out of you.

I love trying to make you happy again.  It's almost harder than beating Kefka in FF6 at level 10... But not quite.

I love the smile on your face right before you kiss me.  It's like the first ray of sunshine after the storm.

But most of all, I love you.

Sometimes you just know when something was meant to be.

Here's to soulmates!

Cheers

Quit Trying so Damn Hard

I was walking out of City Market about an hour ago and I couldn't help but overhear a woman in her car crying over the telephone to her man, or recently ex-man.  What she was saying made me smile.

"Well I'm glad you found someone to keep you happy.  And interested.  And young."

Now she could have been saying this to anybody about anything.  But the way she was saying it, with the please-feel-guilty tone in her voice, made it obvious who she was saying it too and what she was saying it about.

Now, I'm not a sadistic person, it just makes me feel all fuzzy and warm inside when someone tries to make another person feel guilty about cheating or leaving them for another person.  Because in all actuality, we all know that a person is either going to feel guilty or not going to feel guilty.  Rubbing it in their face that they're a horrible, horrible human being isn't going to change that (it is, however, fun and will probably make you feel a little better about your situation).

But!  A much better way to get back at a boyfriend or girfriend is to continue living out your life like you never needed them, because you never really did, did you?

EVERYBODY is better off NOT having a lying, cheating bastard in their lives.  This is the indisputable truth.

Cheers

UMRX3X3NFS4T

What's the Deal With This White Trash Love?!

So my sister is engaged.  Or married.  Or dating.  Or single.  I really have no idea.  I woke up this morning to the whiney sound of her voice crying over the telephone to one of her newly "single" friends.

"You're single now, that means you can do ANYTHING you want, let's celebrate."

"...bla bla bla..."

"Well apparently I'M single now TOO!"

All of this was said to piss off her husband/boyfriend/whatever who was laying in the bed next to her.  (He doesn't give a shit, he's just with her cause she's paying off his massive credit card debt.)

Oh love... what a beautiful thing.

Everyone in this town is crazy.  Everyone I know is crazy.  All of the 20 somethings seem to act like this.  Is there no self respect left in this world.  Is love just some form of prostitution nowadays?  Is it all about the money?

Why would you ever stay with someone who treats you like shit?  It's like nobody realizes that happiness in love IS NOT a myth.  It's not the fucking Holy Grail.  It's attainable.  And it's real.

The first step to achieve this is breaking up with your piece of shit boyfriend/girlfriend.  IT'S NOT THAT HARD.  Call them, text them, write it in a letter, do it face-to-face.  Who cares, as long as you get rid of the sleezebag.

The second step is deciding that you're just not gonna put up with the bull anymore.  You have to realize that it's honestly better to be alone than have a life-sucking parasite stuck to your side all the time.  Being alone isn't all that bad.  Remember back in kindergarden?  Were you alone then?  Were you happy?  Yes.  Bam.  Problem solved.

And the third step is finding someone who is gonna treat you like the king/queen that you are.  This is the hardest step.  Good people are hard to find, but it's possible.  And if you can't find that wonderful person, then enjoy the loneliness.  Not joking.  Learn to love yourself.  When you love yourself, being alone is actually pretty damn fun.

Cheers!

So You Want to Fall in Love?

Falling in love is no walk in the park.  It's actually pretty hard for the majority of us.  How is it done?  Follow these quick and easy steps and you'll be dining with your soulmate in no time.

First you have to meet somebody...

When you go out to a bar, do you sit in a corner and make little to no eye contact?  If you do, then you're doing a swell job at not attracting the opposite sex, or any sex for that matter.  If you want someone to be interested in you, you have to show a little interest in them.  Make eye contact, go up and flirt a little, order them a drink.  Make a little effort.  Being good looking doesn't always cut it.

Try internet dating.  Hit up facebook buddies, join a free dating site, start writing a blog.  If you're willing to shell out a little cash, try Match.com or Eharmony.com.  According to their advertisements, they're quite successful matchmakers.  It's the 21st century; we have no shame nowadays anyways.  There's a million different ways to meet people.  Why not try cyberspace?

Take up a hobby.  Yoga, ballroom dancing, art classes, karate, pottery, etc, etc, etc.  There's a world of endless possibilities out there.  Hell, you could even go back to school.  Learn while meeting people.  A great way of multitasking.  Get to it.

Then you have make a little chemistry...

Don't play the silly games that most may have heard of.  Don't wait three days to call after the first date.  They may very well lose interest.  Don't try to make them jealous.  They already know that you're hot stuff, that's why they're interested.  No cheating, no lying, no game playing.  All may be fair in love and war, but if you have that kind of attitude, you'll just end up alone.

Keep them interested.  Take them to places they've never been.  Make yourself a memorable date.  Let them know that they're special and interesting.  Everyone likes to feel like they mean something.  But don't lay it on too thick in the beginning; no smothering.

And once you're finally in a relationship...

Don't fuck it up.  Like I said, no cheating, lying, or game playing.  You're in a relationship now, act like it.  If you're going to cheat, then just break up.  It's that simple really.  If you must be with two or more people, then you're definitely not mature enough to be in a relationship.  So end it.  If you're going to lie, then you obviously don't care about this person enough to tell them the truth.  Maybe you should re-evaluate the relationship before you take it any further.  And if you're going to play games... then maybe you should just re-enroll yourself in pre-school.

Happy hunting!

Cheers

Boyfriends and Their Friends

So when a boy meets a girl and they start dating eventually it's gonna come to the point when it's time to introduce them to the friends.  It's inevitable, unless you wanna ditch all of your friends and that's usually a no-no.  Now this introduction can be a wonderful thing, but sometimes it's a complete disaster and that's pretty much where I'm at right.

I met an amazing guy.  The most amazing I've ever come across, but he's got a little baggage; his friends are complete assholes.  None of them have girlfriends and it's not hard to guess why.  Their favorite passtime is drinking and smoking weed; they do it everyday, all the time.  No joke.  They're stuck up.  I don't mean they sail yachts and wear smoking jackets, I mean they don't talk to people who aren't in their social scene.  I've been with this guy for 8 months and his friends collectively have maybe said 5 words to me.  They're obnoxious.  One of his best friends takes steriods and roid-rage seems to be his middle name.

His friends are a little off to say the least.  But maybe it's not always a bad thing that when you and your partners friends don't get along.  Maybe your partner will realize that he/she has outgrown his/her high school pals.  But maybe not.

When it all boils down to it, you just have to decide whether or not this person is worth putting up with the obnoxious friends that they're probably going to be inviting to your wedding.  If you're questioning your choice, then maybe they're not.  When they're worth it, you'll know for certain.

Cheers!